Forty was a year of both destruction and creation for the author. Her husband Jake died from cancer, while she gave birth to their daughter Athena. Grief and motherhood have altered her brain, making her forgetful and anxious. She feels a sense of paralysis without Jake. She feels a deep connection to both Jake and Athena, feeling like a combination of both of them. The physical changes in her body after giving birth reflect the internal turmoil she has experienced. She reflects on the passage of time and the uncertainty of the future without Jake. The author is coming to terms with her new identity and the challenges she faces as a widow and a mother. The heartfelt journey is further detailed in a Go Fund Me page for her daughter’s care.
https://bessstillman.substack.com/p/the-year-i-didnt-survive